Tuesday, March 23, 2010

How close is too close?

Hubby has been having some bad feelings lately about Moosecake. She's 11 now and really doesn't understand what appropriate and what's not. We've had little chats here and there but she keeps us on her toes. Her 5th grade teacher is always calling her "his favorite student". Great. I'm happy for her. and random crap....  He asked her to borrow/burn  one of her cds. Fine.  He took the kids' out on a separate field trip for ice cream. Outside of school hours. Hmmmm..... Moosecake took photos of all the kids in her class messing around. He asked her to borrow her MEMORY CHIP. what the fuck? Maybe I'm overreacting a bit, but isn't that a bit personal???? If the teacher wanted those photos, we can print them.... or better yet, he could bring his OWN f*ing camera!!! Well, Moosecake gave him her memory chip and when we found out about it, we were, well, pissed. She takes pics of her family, her brother, funny faces, our personal life, etc.... all of which I DO NOT find necessary to share with her teacher. Am I blowing this outta proportion? In the fotos, the teacher is hugging each one of the children without a smile on his face. Creepy!!! And then there are all the fotos of the other kids.

I feel that this pushes past the teacher/student boundary. Hubby went in this morning and had a little meeting with him and requested the memory chip. He also made it clear that this was not an appropriate request from a student and in future, if he needs anything, borrowed, copied or whatever, he needs to speak directly to us. period.

Appropriate? Overreaction?

Maybe. But when it's your kids, is it ever enough?


Sgt said...

Sounds like you handled it just fine.

My 11 yr old is pretty much just as naive to the world as you described despite our best attempts.

Perhaps the teacher's intent was only to grab the pictures from the outing, but as an adult he should know to involve the parents.

Last thing you want is him to put some creepy pictures back on it and have your daughter view it.

Vadose said...

Weird. If the teacher really is totally cool then he'll also understand your concern and respect that. And you're right - when it's your kid...

You know, we waited until our baby was born to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. At one point I asked Hernan if he had a preference. He said he would like a daughter but didn't know if he could handle raising her here because he'd always be worried about her. 11 years old sounds about right for the worry to really kick in.

Leslie Limon said...

I think you did and your hubby did the right thing. Never underestimate you parents intuition. Even if the teacher is harmless, your daughters safety and well being is priority numero uno.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're overreacting. I would probably look for a different teacher.

Tulum Living said...

No - I think that crossed the line. I mean- back in the states it would have been totally different- that s*t would not have flown in downtown SF!

There is a whole new curve of personal space and boundaries here- and common sense sometimes too.

you were right on- give a little- be flexible and then- know the moment to put the breaks on.

Trust me-- I am going to watch Ruben regress to his 19th St. days the moment Lena turns 10! And then again when she turns 16! AHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Very well-handled!

Who knows what the teacher is thinking, but he should know better!

Theresa in Mèrida said...

I agree with everyone else.You did the right thing. I realize that personal boundaries are different here. However If it feels intrusive, it's intrusive.
One thing I have learned is that whenever I second guess myself, the first reaction was usually the correct one.
I might not change the teacher but I might have a frank talk with my daughter about it. Grown ups don't need 11 year old friends.

Amanda said...

Yikes not looking forward to any of this.
Sounds like he did the right thing and like everyone else said trust your feelings (and his). Good luck with all this hopefully it was well meaning and he will change his intrusiveness.

On Mexican Time said...

totally creapy!!

Hey, what did the teacher say? I'm just curious....

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

Thats our job to be suspicious and to protect our children. We can't help it. If you didn't say anything it would always bug you. right on. I'm glad you stand up and give it attention. thank you for making the world a better place.

Karen said...

I am a teacher and I agree with you that is not appropriate. When you have a feeling something is not right you are usually correct. I think you handled the situation with grace and tack. As a teacher you have to be very professional in how you respect each student there are boundries, maybe he is just young and inexperienced but you gave him a great learning experience.

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

Harmless or not you're protecting your kid and that's THAT. And he SHOULD have his own camera! And like, ew I'm still freaked out by the pic of him not smiling - creeeeeeeeepy.

Karen said...

My experience is that if I think it feels off, it usually is. I also understand exactly where you are coming from on the cultural differences skewing the picture. Mexicans often want to stand closer than we Americans find comfortable, all the kissing and handshaking throw me off, and it is next to impossible to get one (even the kids) to smile for their picture. I also have had a problem with everyone wanting to borrow or be given everything I have, although they don't lend much themselves.

If your husband had accused him of being a child molester that would have been bad, but letting him know that she has parents and that he needs to go to them with such requests is a warning if he is such, and a reasonable request if he is not. I think you both did a great job, and you showed your kids how to handle a delicate situation in an adult manner.

Refried Dreamer said...

Update: Yesterday, Moosecake came home and let us know that her teacher made a fuss/announcement in class. One of the girls told their parents that she didn't want to go to school anymore cuz she thought her teacher liked her. The teacher basically said/complained/accused (i wasn't there.) that if he wasn't there the next day, then that was the reason why.

Well fuck a duck.

He was at school today.

We made an appointment to speak to the principal on Monday.

any feedback?!?

Brenda said...

This is too creepy. I would not let her be in the same classroom with this guy. Perhaps you can have a little get together with the children and the parents and discuss the teacher.

Karen said...

So, is there an update to your update? Sorry I didn't see the first for so long.

Yeah, it seems that this guy doesn't get it. I don't know how you really know when it is a matter of inappropriate and when it is a danger to the kids. I think maybe the director needs to here a little of your concerns and I would probably want to know what the other parents have noticed, too. A teacher who gives kids the "creeps" is usually "creepy."

About Me

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I've been living in Mexico now for about a two years with my hubby and 2 kids. Not exactly by choice, but we're here nonetheless. Luckily, I live with quite a few of the accomodations that i was used to in the states. In spite of those convienences, we also have a water tank with asbestos, outdated electricity, massive amounts of dust, caterpillars that burn your skin, and thousands of windshield washers on every street corner. My kiddos and I are learning to speak spanish and adjust to life away from our family and friends in the States.


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