Saturday, September 26, 2009

Titanic-time is over hunny, time to play housewife.

The other night, Hubby n I were lucky enough to watch, not one, but TWO depressing movies in a row. The kids were on their way to Yahualica and it was time for just him n I to spend some "alone" time... the first in about a month! We ended up getting out of the shop late, so we decided to rent some movies and chill with a little alcohol accompaniment... hoping to set the mood. We first watched Rock n Rolla, a Guy Ritchie movie. Figuring that Hubby loved Snatch and Lock Stock n Two Smoking Barrels... he would fall in love with the newest addition. Nope. WHile it did get a little interesting in the end, it dragged and dragged. The wine wasn't helping... so we busted out some tequila shots to wake us up and prep us for the next one. My choice happened to be Revolutionary Road. I wanted to see it as a realistic view of marriage... thinking that it would be a positive motivation to work together and achieve a common dream.
Yeah, no. While I do recommend seeing this movie, it was depressing. An ambitious couple, Kate Winslet and Leonardo diCaprio, caught in a traditional, sedentary lifestyle... neither were happy. A real marriage. That's us! Not that we weren't happy, it got me to thinking about our life in the States. We both worked and worked... the dreams that we both came into the relationship with, got put on hold for children, a home, and traditional American "values".... buying more and more shit, creating a "perfect" life, an excess of Christmas decor, the fattest f*ing turkey, a little bling, and a little picket fence... We worked to buy more. But for what? Did it really make us any happier? We never reached our goals. We didn't have the time... due to the rising cost of our lifestyle. It just kept f*ing going. And it was never enough. Why did we keep buying random crap? Hoping that accumulating more and more shit might have been proof that we were achieving our goals maybe, but both of us knew, we hadn't.
The movie goes on and Kate Winslet, who I absolutely love, decided to pursue not her dreams, but of her husband and move to Paris. They both agreed and began to prepare for the move of a lifetime. They were excited to move on, experience their dream, and it in fact helped their relationship... until it got down to moving time. Due to a numerous amount of issues, they never made the move and they fell apart from there. I hope I didn't ruin the movie, and I won't go into further detail... but it got me to thinking.... What if "I" didn't make the move? Like hundreds of other women in our unique situation (speaking to other women who are here for sim. reasons), many didn't follow through and pursue a new life abroad. Where would we be now if we had not come? I know hubby would be here.. but would he have pursued his dreams so fiercely, knowing that his wife and children lived thousands of miles away? Would I have pursued my dreams, selling all our belongings, moving into an apt with two children, without a father, and all our debt? We obviously weren't hitting our goals together, but would we have apart? Kate and Leonardo recognized that and set out to change their lives. They needed a change.
Maybe our situation is a blessing in disguise. Yes, the battle vs. the gov't, the move, poverty and change has all sucked. But in the end, we are here. You and I, (all you crazy ladies!) did what not too many women have done... followed our partner and stood by in support. Everything back in the States is gone. Material shit that has no value. We left comfort for the stretching value of the peso. We've concluded our first year down here..and without my parents support and interval costco trips, I don't know if we would have made it. Nonethless, hubby has hit more of his goals in a year than all those years working in the States. He's opened a huge tattoo shop, porn shop (which is still doing crappy thanks to the economy.), tattoing large pieces here in mexico, teaching seminars, pushing his tee shirt designs, painting, drawing, expos, etc... and there is more to come. I couldn't be happier for him.
At the same time, after reading a fellow blogger's recognition her personal needs, I'm wondering if now is the time to change focus. I can understand her sense of frustration and desire to just, well, be happy!!! If only a quick smack in the head would be enough to remind our husbands of our worth.
Or a shove.
While I must say that Revolutionary Road was quite sad, I crawled up to bed, thinking "No, that isn't us. We took that trip. We made it. For better or worse, we're gonna make it happen."
We don't have much. I've learned that I don't need all those things as I did back home. I spend more time with my hubby and kids, which at some points has been interesting, but I wouldn't trade them for a thing. Here I've learned more about myself, what I can take and what I can't. I know that I need some more time for myself. I've learned that I can be supportive... to a point.

But I'm doing it. One day at a time.

Even better, we've ALL doing it.


Mama of 4 said...

This is a beautiful post dreamer, I hope to "make it" one day too!

Amanda said...

Thank you again for stating so clearly and poetically how it is. I believe in keeping it real and showing who we are. And your right you did make the move and you are together. And yes hubby does need to take stock in what he has in you and to be honest I have a feeling our husbands do that more than we realize.

Yo Heart a Tirrin said...

Oh Melissa! You have me in tears... I agree with Mama of 4 this is a beautiful post. And it will def. be one I will be comming back to.

On Mexican Time said...

Awesome post - have yet to see either movie, but Revolutionary Road is on my list!!

Although, I may not have came to Mexico for the same reasons a lot of bloggers have... I did come because my husband just wasn't happy and I knew we wouldn't be happy if we didn't try the move. I didn't make the decision over night, and boy oh boy did I think - am I stupid? I have a great job, family, etc... why would I leave?My answer = If I didn't, I would never know... I couldn't live without answering that!

Again, great post!

Gringa-n-Mexico said...

This was such a great uplifting post, you make me feel good for being here, thank you for sharing :)

PuertoVallartaGirl said...

I think, while in film school, I should do a documentary of all of our struggles, and travel to visit all the different expat bloggers and get their stories..... I really identified with this post. The other day I was listening to a song in a way to get some positive valedation of my marriage, (weird huh) and it ended up the guy was a cheater and i was like.. NO thats not us. And skipped the rest of the song. I coudln't even bear to hear the rest.

Anonymous said...

Hi, found your blog through Amanda's. This was a great post. and very true.

maybe one day when we're in Guad we can get some tattoos from you guys!

Tulum Living said...

I love the new look. Very Nice. I agree... that is not us. We chose to do the hardest thing in the world - leave our whole lives and everything we have every know- to blindly have faith in family and marriage. We too have very little but the time that we do spend together has been more amazing. We spend it in the Caribbean Sea or in a cenote. Drinking and eating with friends and just enjoying life 1 day at a time. It is hard to remember that we see the world as we want to and to focus on putting that positive spin on it. But it does work.

I am getting my next big tattoo piece next week. I have been planning it for about 6 years now!!! I have planned to give it to myself for my 30th! I'll send pics.

You are right... it is time for us. And luckily-(although not all the time) our husbands and kids love us enough to allow us the time to do it.

Anonymous said...

This is a really great post! I often make the same mistake with my wife. I get caught up in simply all the daily activities and forget that what she really wants from me is to spend a little time together. Nonetheless, it's a difficult balancing act. There are many things that I would like to get done for me, that make me happy, and there are only so many hours in a day (and life is going by - the older I get, the faster it goes). Your husband strikes me as a driven, practical man (as are many artists) and I think that most men have to do things (i.e. build a house, build a business, paint. etc.) to feel like themselves. Regarless, I wish you and your family all the best. It is not easy. Keep up with the great posts. They are very insightful and full of vitality.

Vadose said...

This is a terrific post. Reading it, I felt like I more clearly knew what I'm doing and why, and what else it is that I want to be doing, the for-me stuff. You put it very well, and I'm glad you shared.

Anonymous said...

That movie surprised me. I did not see that ending coming.

I think it's awesome how much you are supporting him. I was going to move to Mexico in December so my boyfriend so he could open a business with his dad and other stuff. Unfortunately, he is from Michoacan, where a large portion of the drug wars are going on so we're waiting it out.

But after awhile the roles should switch and you should get your time to accomplish what you want, too.

p.s. - the last tattoo that you posted looked damn good

About Me

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I've been living in Mexico now for about a two years with my hubby and 2 kids. Not exactly by choice, but we're here nonetheless. Luckily, I live with quite a few of the accomodations that i was used to in the states. In spite of those convienences, we also have a water tank with asbestos, outdated electricity, massive amounts of dust, caterpillars that burn your skin, and thousands of windshield washers on every street corner. My kiddos and I are learning to speak spanish and adjust to life away from our family and friends in the States.


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