Saturday, September 26, 2009
Titanic-time is over hunny, time to play housewife.
The other night, Hubby n I were lucky enough to watch, not one, but TWO depressing movies in a row. The kids were on their way to Yahualica and it was time for just him n I to spend some "alone" time... the first in about a month! We ended up getting out of the shop late, so we decided to rent some movies and chill with a little alcohol accompaniment... hoping to set the mood. We first watched Rock n Rolla, a Guy Ritchie movie. Figuring that Hubby loved Snatch and Lock Stock n Two Smoking Barrels... he would fall in love with the newest addition. Nope. WHile it did get a little interesting in the end, it dragged and dragged. The wine wasn't helping... so we busted out some tequila shots to wake us up and prep us for the next one. My choice happened to be Revolutionary Road. I wanted to see it as a realistic view of marriage... thinking that it would be a positive motivation to work together and achieve a common dream.
Yeah, no. While I do recommend seeing this movie, it was depressing. An ambitious couple, Kate Winslet and Leonardo diCaprio, caught in a traditional, sedentary lifestyle... neither were happy. A real marriage. That's us! Not that we weren't happy, it got me to thinking about our life in the States. We both worked and worked... the dreams that we both came into the relationship with, got put on hold for children, a home, and traditional American "values".... buying more and more shit, creating a "perfect" life, an excess of Christmas decor, the fattest f*ing turkey, a little bling, and a little picket fence... We worked to buy more. But for what? Did it really make us any happier? We never reached our goals. We didn't have the time... due to the rising cost of our lifestyle. It just kept f*ing going. And it was never enough. Why did we keep buying random crap? Hoping that accumulating more and more shit might have been proof that we were achieving our goals maybe, but both of us knew, we hadn't.
The movie goes on and Kate Winslet, who I absolutely love, decided to pursue not her dreams, but of her husband and move to Paris. They both agreed and began to prepare for the move of a lifetime. They were excited to move on, experience their dream, and it in fact helped their relationship... until it got down to moving time. Due to a numerous amount of issues, they never made the move and they fell apart from there. I hope I didn't ruin the movie, and I won't go into further detail... but it got me to thinking.... What if "I" didn't make the move? Like hundreds of other women in our unique situation (speaking to other women who are here for sim. reasons), many didn't follow through and pursue a new life abroad. Where would we be now if we had not come? I know hubby would be here.. but would he have pursued his dreams so fiercely, knowing that his wife and children lived thousands of miles away? Would I have pursued my dreams, selling all our belongings, moving into an apt with two children, without a father, and all our debt? We obviously weren't hitting our goals together, but would we have apart? Kate and Leonardo recognized that and set out to change their lives. They needed a change.
Maybe our situation is a blessing in disguise. Yes, the battle vs. the gov't, the move, poverty and change has all sucked. But in the end, we are here. You and I, (all you crazy ladies!) did what not too many women have done... followed our partner and stood by in support. Everything back in the States is gone. Material shit that has no value. We left comfort for the stretching value of the peso. We've concluded our first year down here..and without my parents support and interval costco trips, I don't know if we would have made it. Nonethless, hubby has hit more of his goals in a year than all those years working in the States. He's opened a huge tattoo shop, porn shop (which is still doing crappy thanks to the economy.), tattoing large pieces here in mexico, teaching seminars, pushing his tee shirt designs, painting, drawing, expos, etc... and there is more to come. I couldn't be happier for him.
At the same time, after reading a fellow blogger's recognition her personal needs, I'm wondering if now is the time to change focus. I can understand her sense of frustration and desire to just, well, be happy!!! If only a quick smack in the head would be enough to remind our husbands of our worth.
Or a shove.
While I must say that Revolutionary Road was quite sad, I crawled up to bed, thinking "No, that isn't us. We took that trip. We made it. For better or worse, we're gonna make it happen."
We don't have much. I've learned that I don't need all those things as I did back home. I spend more time with my hubby and kids, which at some points has been interesting, but I wouldn't trade them for a thing. Here I've learned more about myself, what I can take and what I can't. I know that I need some more time for myself. I've learned that I can be supportive... to a point.
But I'm doing it. One day at a time.
Even better, we've ALL doing it.
Labels: daily rants
- Refried Dreamer
- I've been living in Mexico now for about a two years with my hubby and 2 kids. Not exactly by choice, but we're here nonetheless. Luckily, I live with quite a few of the accomodations that i was used to in the states. In spite of those convienences, we also have a water tank with asbestos, outdated electricity, massive amounts of dust, caterpillars that burn your skin, and thousands of windshield washers on every street corner. My kiddos and I are learning to speak spanish and adjust to life away from our family and friends in the States.